Tag Archives: worldstar hip-hop

SCATTERSHOT

It’s a scattershot blogging day because I’m feeling particularly unfocused. In an effort to avoid revisiting 2010, the first fortnight of 2011 has passed in a curious blur of meetings, follow-ups and forgotten follow-ups. The byproduct is that I’ve done far less than planned. So it’s a good thing that I’m not one of those tits who spent New Year’s Day merrily declaring that “2011 is my year!” and other such doomed boasts. At least the Criterion release of Brian De Palma’s ‘Blow Out’ is something to look forward to. Since the fanboy boom for creating fictional Criterion fan art (as seen here), I can pretty much anticipate what a sleeve might look like, and ‘Blow Out’ is no exception, but it captures the film’s feel, from that studio to Travolta’s sense of isolation in a severe situation. And if that wasn’t enough, go check Criterion’s alarmingly talented real-deal designer, Sam Smyth’s self-designed posters for his top 10 films of last year.

My friends Grace and Al have executed some strong film work that appeared this week. I’m linking rather than embedding to avoid this turning into some kind of clip show, and while I love zombies but couldn’t give a flying fuck about bikes, the mini-velodrome is very impressive indeed. There’s good scope for a pretty spectacular accident too. I always wanted to work on film, but it requires a level of patience that leaves me agitated. On a cinematic subject, Korea seems to know how to pump out vicious thrillers with flair. Kim Ji Woon’s ‘I Saw the Devil’ is a tremendous-looking film that forgoes logic and common sense in favour of a succession of brutal set pieces that mix and match horror, action and drama.

Choi Min Sik’s psycho might be one of the best serial killer characters of any film, with a remorseless, unhinged performance that’s at odds with his blank-faced pursuer, and after ‘Oldboy’ and ‘The Chaser’ I can’t help but note that Korean cinema favours a bludgeoning as preferred mode-of-carnage. Running at nearly 150 minutes (with some severe cuts), I loved this beautiful-looking but thoroughly dumb slab of very, very vicious fun. The clip below isn’t for sensitive souls (and it’ll probably last about another 24 hours on YouTube, but it’s a fight set piece to match the ‘Oldboy’s corridor and claw hammer fun. What happens when a friendly taxi driver picks up a serial killer when —out of sheer coincidence—there’s already a psychopath in the back seat? Stabby, well-shot mayhem commences…

It’s tradeshow season, so expect more XXXXXXXXX action than Soho in its sleazy heyday. Will someone unleash the next shit that drags the industry out of its current mire in Milan, Berlin or Paris? One relic of last year is this Fox news piece on Camo fabric production at Michigan’s Duro Textiles from last summer. I’ve been thinking about technical materials, and while I’ve yet to hear any solid proof of MultiCam’s effectiveness in current conflict, TenCate have got some amazing technologies in their roster—Armourtex is a serious application and Defender M’s long-established self extinguishing properties minimise burns. I heard tales of infrared eluding, bloodstain-absorbing lunacy in the labs of those fishing for military contracts. if market shellsuits circa. 1990 had an element of Defender M in the fabric mix, those apocryphal tales of badly dressed folk being seriously scorched wouldn’t exist. Camo production looks oddly hypnotic…

I’m convinced that hip-hop dumbed down by at least 20% this week. Gucci’s celebration of frozen dairy treats placed across his face for life was a dimwitted highlight, but Worldstar’s user-submitted gems are upping the goonery. Who exactly is The President, with his Jeezy and Rick Ross-alike delivery? He’s made several appearances on there, but his Twitter follow game is weak. “The President Buys A Building In TX, Counts 50K In Cash On Iphone In Response TO Haters + Pulls Out 713 Motorizing Custom Made Bentley & Diamond Flooded WhiteHouse Chain [User Submitted]” might be the funniest of all the video titles thus far. Where’s the logic in such audacious displays? Did anybody care enough to hate in the first place?

Worldstar’s payola-led business model creates its own rap realm that’s confined to the site. The President’s gimmick appears to be that he’s supposed to be a rich man who decided to rhyme on some Ted DiBiase shit, but his impending Jim Jones collaboration might get him coverage that isn’t sandwiched between crackheads getting walloped and J-Hood freestyles. If the President was keener to reassert how much cash he’s got, he’d make like Homer Simpson in his lottery fantasy (“Look closer, Lenny!”) and have himself gold-plated. It’s funny to see gutter-sounding folk like grimy whiteboy of the moment, Action Bronson operating on the other end of the scale— with superior results—at the moment too. Thank god for the launch of ego trip’s egotripland.com—it’s in its early stages at the moment, but those blogs have the potential to amaze. Edan and Daryl Jenifer haven’t commenced yet, but Dave Tompkins is already on the case, with an excellent Full Force piece.

 

Further proof that Tumblr can be used for good rather than mere self-indulgence arrives in the shape of the Essayist (“Aggregated long-form essays from the world’s best writers & publications”), which is a trove of amazing writing across all subjects—Natasha Vargas-Cooper’s ‘Hard Core’ is a personal pick of the selection, but it’s well worth diving in. The Documentarian (“Aggregating unknown documentaries and free video content to broaden yo’ fuckin’ horizons”) is a sister site to improve your year. The incredibly grim 1985 BBC2 40 Minutes entry on ‘The Outcasts’ biker gang is all types of awesome.

WHEN SMARTENING UP GOES STUPID: CHOPPER’S SUIT

Another contributor to this collateral trading-up is the maturation of the contemporary male’s taste level. The style-conscious male man has graduated from the high-fashion suit’s two-year cycle of disposability toward something with a longer life expectancy, and thus, value.” Alan Flusser, ‘Dressing The Man’, 2002

I’m a solid ni**a. A hundred percent. A tall-ass gangsta. That what I am. A tall-ass gangsta. Look at me ni**a. A real boss ni**a…I’m great. I’m extravagant.” Chopper City, 2009

When former Diddy reality TV underling Chopper City decided to make a video calling out his rap opponents and establish his boss credentials last March, it’s safe to assume that he didn’t see the implications of his oversized suit on the horizon. Worldstarhiphop.com can be unmerciful at the best of times. A hotbed of goonery, footage of Rawse’s boy Gunplay acting the tit and webcam addresses, it’s deeply addictive stuff, but the e-roasting that Chopper received acts as a cautionary tale when an attempt at smart dressing gets stupid. David Byrne in ‘Stop Making Sense’? The boy at the end of ‘Big’? Way too obvious.

Over 3 months, the Worldstar comedians came out in force, offering some of the most esoteric yet fitting (as opposed to the vast shoulders of the sartorial subject matter) reference point. They came to a close in June 2009 – not helped by crackers unleashing some misfires. The funniest thing ever on the internet? After a compilation of talking animal clips, yes indeed. There’s few more joyous sights than a veritable festival of mockery, and with 6,324 replies, it brought the geniuses out to play. This was a bonafide mini-meme, and the YouTube parodies were plentiful. It actually made Chopper more memorable than he ever was before, yet one senses that this wasn’t some genius marketing scheme. All it took was the first comment from a guest poster, “If choppa don’t get his missy elliot “i can’t stand the rain ” wearin suit a** outta here…(sic)” to unleash a tide of superior badly tailored reference points…

“Old Carl Thomas I’ll never be the same again suit”
“HE’S WEARING A COT DAMN COACHES SUIT LOL”
“Old Joe Clark Lean On Me suit”
“Old Tommy Davidson “Strictly Business” suit”
“OLE WESLEY SNIPES I NEVER LIKED YO PRETTY A** ANYWAY NEW JACK CITY SUIT WEARING A**””
“He sounds mad stupid, grow up you stupid azz!Why is he dressed like Morris Day on Easter Sunday?”
“OL HAKEEM OLAJUWON ON DRAFT DAY SUIT WEARING A** NICCA”
“Ole “5 Heartbeats Eddy Cane” suit lookin boy!!!”
“Ole Blame it on the rain suit lookin boy”
“Ol’ Deion Sanders “Must Be The Money” video shoot suit wearing looking boy”
“Old Rodney King ” Cant we all just get along” press conference suit”
“Ol Tommy Wright III “Feel Me Before They Kill me” floating above the casket suit wearin azz n*gga”
“OLE PATRICK EWING 1985 FIRST ROUND DRAFT PICK SUIT A** F*** BOIIIIIIIIII LOLLL”

Most memes are about as funny as an anal fissure in a matter of days. The Chopper City affair? Still hilarious. Wandering through the streets of Bed-Stuy last week, a few $99 suits in the same vein were spotted. In a 12:59, barely-watchable tirade, the cackling hangers-on, squalid home setting and that vast polyester silhouette is comedy perfection. For years, post-Master P, the vast grey or beige suit has come out to play frequently without comment. Something had to give. Flicking through Alan Flusser’s ‘Dressing The Man’, Chopper breaks every rule that Alan reinforces. There’s something oddly admirable about that. Anyone else remember Flusser popping shots at Thom Browne in a similar, albeit faintly more fitted, manner for a spot of fashion beef back in 2006?

To commemorate a year of Chopper’s suit, here’s some big shoulder bangers and their associated roast remark…

“You ol’ “ralph tresvant can you stand the rain suit ass muthaf***a”

“1996 Chauncey from Black Street “Dont Leave Me” suit.”

“Ol Slick Rick riding the bus in the “Teenage Love” video suit”

“Old Positive K ” I got a man” club suit”

“Old 1988 Johnny Kemp “Just Got Paid” suit”